Hi! I'm Shawna and I am a stay-at-home mom of three young girls. This is my life and my truth and all of the lessons I learn along the way. I hope you’ll sit back and savor the chaos with me!

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Making space for me again

I will never forget the way it felt to finally let a little me back into my life. It took almost a year from the time my first baby was born.

Quinn was an all-consuming baby, from newborn colic and nursing struggles to restless nights and teething drama. I was bone tired and had been in survival mode for as long as I could remember. I wasn’t making deliberate choices so much as putting one foot in front of the other.

Some days that […]

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When you lose yourself

I remember so clearly the first time I snuck away from my newborn. The cool of the car, its strange stillness. My simultaneous ache and excitement. The feeling that I was doing something very, very wrong, and quite possibly illegal.

I remember the eerie and blissful hum of my body all alone, and my sudden acute awareness of it. Despite being so pent up inside myself during all those interminable days and nights of rocking and pacing and nursing over and over […]

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How I learned to live in the present

Before I had kids, I was kind of an impatient person (cue hysterical laughter from my entire family, friends and anyone who ever paid by check ahead of me in a grocery store line. Sorry about that, by the way. I was in kind of a hurry.).

I’ve always been fixated on the future, on its allure of uncertainty and adventure. Whatever phase I was in, my mind was on what was next. In high school, it was all about college, […]

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Just enjoying my baby

I was sitting in the locker room after a nice, long swim and a much longer and decidedly less nice de-swim. I survived the slippery, soapy baby in the shower, managed to find a dry spot amid dozens of soaking toddlers and successfully pulled Q’s tiny clothes over her cold, wet little body, and I was now wondering what to do next.

When you’re wet, the towels are wetter and the baby is dry and dressed, it’s a lot like that […]

The challenge of making all three feel special

Like all young children, my two oldest daughters want to be special.

They love when I tell them about their births and their babyhoods and what they meant to us. They love to hear stories of funny little things they did that made us laugh.

Inevitably, certain jealousies arise. “But Quinn was your very first baby,” Ruby complains. “But Nora gets to be the baby forever,” whines Quinn.

Don’t get me wrong. Mostly I think these sorts of disappointments are good for them. I want my kids to realize […]

Life without sleep

I always knew what I feared most about parenthood: sleep deprivation. No question. During pregnancy, when strangers and even dear friends insisted on peppering me with advice on all things baby, I always steered them to the topic that interested me most: How much were they sleeping? How much did their baby sleep? How could they LIVE like that? I was truly terrified, and it seemed like no amount of preparation could save me from the inevitable fog of exhaustion […]

The mom I was going to be

I remember so clearly the day a stranger stopped me to compliment my parenting. I had just parked the car and was skipping over to get one-year-old Quinn out of her carseat. I had a big grin on my face and I was humming a merry tune. I threw open her door, tickled her toes and said “We’re here little one!” and she giggled at me. A man who was walking down the street stopped in his tracks. “What a […]

What’s in my diaper bag?

I was only a few months along with baby #2 when I started looking for a bigger diaper bag. I ended up getting an “overnight” travel bag, and it was so massive that I kept it hooked to my double stroller at all times.

That bag was epic – always full of snacks, diapers, water bottles, toys, changes of clothes and anything else a mom of two kids under two might possibly need. Toddler getting restless at the restaurant? No problem, there […]

Waiting for a late, late baby

I never thought I’d be an expert on overdue babies.

I was born three weeks before my due date. My sister also came well before her due date. It never occurred to me that I would be pregnant weeks after my due date.

But I did it– twice.

With my first daughter, I started maternity leave two weeks before she was due. I was that sure of her early arrival.

Of course I had heard that the average first baby is eight […]

How will I love two kids at once?

When you are pregnant with your second, or contemplating such a thing, you worry that you couldn’t possibly love another baby as much as your first.

Everyone assures you that this won’t be a problem, that love is not finite, that you will immediately have enough love for them both. My grandmother, a mother of seven, was especially reassuring to me in this area.

Just hours before Ruby was born, I rocked my precious 23-month-old baby Quinn to sleep. It was a […]

Mom is NEVER enough

Mothering isn’t something that’s done on the margins of society, our choices some subversive act worthy of ridicule.

Coming up for air

My life as a mama is shifting again. My baby is sleeping a little more and needing a little less, my toddler is potty trained, and both girls are finally getting used to each other. They still need me pretty much constantly, but I’m finally getting little patches of freedom. Most nights, I’m staying up after my baby. Some evenings, I’m going out with friends. On the weekends, I’m getting a little alone time.

This is a really, really good thing, I […]

Through the eyes of a mother

Once you become a mom, it’s crazy how quickly your viewpoint on everything changes. Suddenly, you see the world through mommy-vision.

I don’t just mean how this troubled world suddenly comes into sharp focus as you realize your little ones will have to live in it. Or even how you suddenly can relate more to all mothers, especially your own, and how you’re a little less sympathetic to anyone who isn’t one.

Pacing the floor at 2 in the morning, with no sleep […]