It happened today. I was at the zoo and I saw a woman cradling a tiny baby and I stopped and stared hard. “I want one,” said a plaintive (and possibly crazy) voice from deep within me.
Well, that is a damn good thing, lady, ’cause you’re getting one in four months! I am quite relieved that my desire for a baby managed to kick in before my baby got here. I got pregnant again when Quinn was just 13 months old, so I hadn’t had a chance to miss babytime yet (I still haven’t really gotten that chance, but I guess I’m ready for a second round anyway).
I mean, I had no doubts I would love my baby, that there would be plenty of room in our hearts and our lives for this second little being and yada yada yada, but I was worried I wouldn’t have a case of baby longings yet. And in my (limited) experience, a little pre-baby hunger goes a long way in those early, smothering months of actual baby feast.
I realize that procreation is our natural biological imperative so I guess it’s reasonable that the urge would be a little strong. But what’s fascinating to me is how the urge comes at such different times for different people. I know women who were honestly planning baby #2 while their day-old newborns slumbered (actually, maybe it’s because their newborns ever slumbered that they could have such crazy thoughts), others who were completely and absolutely complete with one child, and still others who didn’t want baby #2 until their first was in elementary school. I’ve had many women tell me that they’re not ready to toe into the pool again yet, but they just don’t feel “done” yet.
It’s pretty funny actually, that in our over-scheduled, planned and dissected lives, we would leave such a major life decision to intuition. It’s pretty wonderful, in fact, that we can surprise ourselves so much.
I also have dear friends who know deeply that they want a child and for whatever reason it’s not happening yet. I can’t imagine how excruciating that must be. (I sincerely hope my own musings don’t add to your pain or frustration.)
In our case, we thought we should probably be done after Quinn. We were really happy with our little family, and were unsure how we were going to make the finances work as it was. But then we conceived this little one, and our viewpoint shifted. Now, we are convinced two kids is perfect for us. (Of course, this time around we are going to make sure that there is no possibility of our, um, viewpoints ever having to shift again :)).
I was honestly a little horrified at first, but now I really find myself tickled at the surprise my life held out for me. The truth was, our previous decision was wholly pragmatic; my current state of mind is all gut.
Like you, I was *so* thankful that I had another one on the way before that “want another baby” urge kicked in 🙂 I’m also even more grateful that I didn’t have that urge and wind up with it unfulfilled again. The years that I spent trying to have a baby were so awful that I’d rather deal with, like, four under two than go through that again. It was really great when that sensation kicked in, though, when I was like, oh, six months along! It was like “Oh good! Yay, I already *get* to have another one. Hah hah hah!” 🙂 Seriously was one of the best feelings in the world! 😀