Babies are so weird.

These days, we spend so much time in the water. In any given week, we go to three different wading pools, a public swim and then hit the kiddie pool at a friend’s house a few times as well. And Quinn loves it. She splashes, she dunks, she pours. She ends up soaked and giggling at least five times a week.

Then comes bath or shower time, when you would think this same love of water might be present. Instead, at bathtime Quinn commences her “I’m being tortured” routine the second her little toes hit the water. We’ve tried warm water, we’ve tried cold water, we’ve tried showers. We’ve tried with each parent in the bath, both parents in the bath, no parents in the bath. We pay on the side of the tub with the same toys she brings out all week and then bring them in the tub. But she doesn’t even see them.

I’m not even sure she knows why she hates it or even has a reason. She just remembers that she hates it and goes through the motions.

This has been going on for about three months now and it is worse every time. Last time, Quinn screamed so hysterically that she made herself throw up. After less than 20 seconds in the tub. After that (two minute) bath, Quinn sobbed for at least an hour. Harrowing doesn’t even being to describe it. It would be the funniest thing ever if it wasn’t so terrible.

Fortunately, I’ve been talking to lots of moms and I’ve found out this isn’t so rare (though the ability to make herself scream so hard she instabarfs is apparently pretty unique). Unfortunately, a lot of them have said that the only thing that really worked was time (the quintessential parenting punchline). Their babies would get a little older and bathtime terror would just pass. Meanwhile, they kept bathing to a minimum (YIKES!)

I’ve got a few more tricks up my sleeve as well. I think moving bathtime to earlier in the day, and moving it outside might help. My plan is to get a kiddie pool, fill it with warm water, and then sort of playfully sneak the soap on to her. Plan B is to just go out in the yard with buckets of water and pour them all over us (ha ha!) while quickly and sneakily soaking up a limb at the time. Not sure how I’m going to make the shampoo happen. Maybe I’ll just put soapy water in some of the buckets??

This will involve both of us sitting out in our tiny yard on the street in bathing suits and drenching ourselves while Quinn probably screams and barfs. If you see us, just keep on walking.